So, I was having drinks with the housekeeper…

So, I was having drinks with the housekeeper in East Hampton the other day and I commented on her new Louis Vuitton bag from the welovesprouse.com collection. Every few months she seemed to have a new one. Real ones, not the fakes.

Was she affected by the crisis, I asked? She replied very matter-of-fact that Housecleaning in the Hamptons is like Heathcare in America; it’s a recession proof industry. Even though she has steady income, she volunteered that she had to make choices in life...she's on a budget after all. For example, she nodded to her new Escalade parked next to my 1998 Ford F-150 and lectured me that she didn't opt for the platinum package because the gold package was good enough...and she wanted to save her money for handbags.

As we finished off a bottle of Wolffer Rose, I told her I was trying to better monetize Mr. Gatsby's Chic Experiences. Could she share some of her ideas as an entrepreneur?

She told me that gouging me $25 an hour was really a loss leader for her as she lit-up a cigarette on my terrace and asked me to get her an ashtray. She made her real money through "affiliate programs" and "repackaging".

Through a very structured network, she explained that she receives distribution "royalties" from an affiliation of gardeners, pool men, handymen and caterers whom she refers to her client base. The royalties she receives from referring into the program range from ten to thirty percent in perpetuity. Additionally, she bills the client hourly for meeting service affiliates, in effect double dipping.

When she helps cater events, often she is given left over bottles of alcohol, wine and champagne that she repackages and sells through the affiliate network. Open bottles are deeply discounted while sealed bottles are sold at a 20% discount below retail. Clients can also request to purchase alocohol from her inventory which she charges at full retail, plus delivery fee. Had I asked her to pick up the case of wine from which we were drinking?

Fascinated by this sophisticated revenue model, I wanted to learn more, but had to end the conversation as I saw the electrician pulling up in a Range Rover to adjust a dimmer in my cottage. Was he waving to me or the housekeeper?

I found it strange that the electrician was so quick to respond to my request which I had submitted only a few days earlier. As he came into the garden, something in his stride told me he wasn't here to adjust the light. The housekeeper sensing my disorientation, explained that she hadn't expected me to linger so long at the cottage given this was the off season. I then realized this house was effectively hers until Memorial Day. She had invited members of the affiliate program to the cottage for a cocktail party. Could I stay? Of course, but somehow the tables seemed to have turned as I found myself serving drinks and emptying ash trays...



(Legal Disclaimer: Characters are fictionalized in this story....)